Grief Dreams

Grief dreams were something I was told about when I had recently become bereaved over . These are dreams that feel so real they resemble a visitation from the departed.

After my husband Paul’s death, I found solace in a group of other widows. We would regularly meet to catch up and talk about our struggles between the realms of death and life. During one of these dinners, each woman shared dreams they had about their husbands. I felt left out, having no dreams of Paul to remember. I wondered if I was so exhausted that I might be sleeping through my dreams.

First Dream: There’s Nothing Here

It was sometime later that I had my first dream. Paul came to me while I was sleeping, visibly frustrated. I asked him what was there, and he snapped that nothing was there, just nothingness. His wish on returning was to go to a football match, so we joined a friend who supported the opposing team. Unable to walk far and still affected by steroids, he stopped and had a seizure. It felt so real. I was mad at myself for taking his medication to the chemist for destruction after he died. This dream was grey and depressing, and I remember it vividly. I don’t recall waking up from it, but I still remember feeling weighed down. It touched on my fear of dying and being trapped in limbo.

Second Dream: You Can Take Anything You Want Here

Not long after that first dream, Paul appeared again, but this time, he was well. Wearing his favourite rugby top, which was in colour in my dream, he looked healthy. I asked him how he got his rugby top. Smiling, he replied that he could take anything he wanted and wasn’t sick. Despite the strangeness of the situation, I knew it was time to wake up and go to work. I told him I had to go, but he said he could not return. I thought I would call him, but the phone didn’t work, and I again told him I had to go. This was the last dream I had about Paul that I can recall.

Grief Dream or Visitation?

Was it a grief dream or a visitation? In my heart, I feel it was a visitation. The dream was detailed, and I can recall it vividly even after 25 years, including Paul’s voice. The message I received, whether it was my mind searching for meaning or calming my fears, was that there might be something beyond this life. The second dream gave me a sense of warmth, showing Paul happy and no longer unwell. I didn’t find myself trying to make it happen again. The two dreams felt satisfying, as though he would be okay. I’m not a skeptic and remain open to people’s experiences and the meanings they derive from them.

Over the years, as a grief counsellor, many clients have shared their dreams with me. Some believed their dreams were visitations, some saw them as messages, and others, like mine, found them calm and comforting. Not all dreams are consoling, but it can help to share them with someone who will listen and provide the space for you to explore your experiences.

Next Steps

If you’re wondering whether counselling is right for you now, book a telephone enquiry call.