Living alongside change is rarely something we choose, yet most of us are asked to do it at some point in our lives. This post explores what it can mean to live alongside change, rather than waiting for life to feel fixed.
People often come to counselling or psychotherapy because life has started to feel harder to manage than it once did.
They may be living with grief, navigating a major life transition, or feeling increasingly overwhelmed. Thoughts loop. Emotions feel heavier or more unpredictable. Daily tasks take more effort. The hope is often simple: if this could ease, I could get on with living.
That response makes sense. When something hurts, most of us try to reduce it, fix it, or push through.
But some experiences do not resolve in that way.
Grief after a death.
Changes in health, capacity, or identity.
Life transitions that alter how the future looks.
Long-term stress that gradually erodes energy and focus.
In these situations, the difficulty is not a lack of resilience or effort. It is that life has changed, and the strategies that once worked no longer fit.
When “feeling better” becomes the condition for living
Many people find themselves waiting.
They tell themselves they will re-engage once they feel less sad, less anxious, more motivated, more organised, or more confident. Important conversations are postponed. Activities that once mattered are avoided. Decisions are delayed.
Over time, this can narrow life. A great deal of energy goes into monitoring thoughts and feelings, trying to manage or prevent discomfort. Self-criticism often increases, particularly when progress does not come quickly.
This pattern is common and understandable. It reflects how humans naturally respond to distress.
An ACT-informed approach to living alongside change
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a different starting point.
Rather than focusing on how to eliminate difficult thoughts and feelings, ACT looks at how people become caught in unworkable patterns while trying to manage them. These patterns often develop for good reasons, particularly in the context of grief, trauma, neurodivergence, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or major life change. Over time, however, they can increase strain and reduce flexibility.
This can show up in different ways. Some people organise their lives around avoiding disapproval, conflict, or failure. Others struggle with attention, follow-through, or overwhelm, especially when stress or loss is present. Many people notice heightened avoidance or self-criticism following trauma or significant change.
ACT shifts the focus from control to capacity.
The central question when living alongside change becomes:
How do I live in a way that matters to me, even with this present?
In practice, this involves:
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noticing thoughts, habits, and emotional responses without automatically acting on them
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making room for discomfort without being overwhelmed by it
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clarifying what matters now, given the life you are actually living
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taking small, realistic actions that support direction rather than avoidance
ACT recognises that pain does not need to be resolved before life can be lived. The work begins from where you are, not from a state of readiness or certainty.
How this approach supports different areas of life
Although people arrive with different concerns, similar processes often sit underneath them.
Grief and loss
Grief does not follow a timetable, and it cannot be resolved through effort or insight alone.
Many people become caught in ongoing self-monitoring: Am I grieving too much? Not enough? For too long? This adds another layer of strain to an already painful experience.
An ACT-informed approach supports people to:
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allow grief to be present without constant evaluation or comparison
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step out of unhelpful stories about how grief “should” look
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remain connected to meaning, values, and relationship while carrying loss
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make choices that honour both the grief and the ongoing life around it
The aim is not to remove grief, but to help it take up a more workable place in your life.
Life transitions
Life transitions often involve loss alongside change. Roles shift. Identities loosen. Certainty fades.
During these periods, people can become stuck trying to regain who they were before, or waiting for clarity before taking action.
This approach supports people to:
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tolerate uncertainty rather than organising life around avoiding it
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loosen the grip of fear-based or self-critical thinking
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clarify what matters now, rather than what once made sense
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take steps that fit the current stage of life, rather than an earlier one
Movement does not require confidence or certainty as a starting point. It begins with direction.
Chronic disorganisation and overwhelm
Chronic disorganisation is rarely just about systems, motivation, or discipline.
It is often shaped by long-term stress, grief, neurodivergence, health changes, or prolonged overload. Avoidance and self-criticism can become entrenched, making change feel overwhelming or impossible.
ACT-informed work can support people to:
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notice avoidance patterns without shame
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reduce the emotional weight attached to clutter or unfinished tasks
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separate self-worth from productivity or order
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take small, values-based actions rather than all-or-nothing pushes
Progress here is not about control or perfection. It is about restoring capacity, flexibility, and choice.
Values as a stabilising point
When life has changed, people often describe feeling lost or disconnected from themselves.
ACT does not approach this by setting goals or prescribing direction. Instead, it focuses on values. Values are not outcomes to achieve. They are qualities of action, how you want to live, relate, and respond, even when life is difficult.
Values provide orientation when certainty is not available, particularly when living alongside change.
Noticing what supports life
Living alongside change is not only about making room for what is difficult. It can also involve noticing what continues to support us, even when circumstances have changed.
Positive psychology offers a useful lens here. Rather than focusing only on reducing distress, it considers the experiences and resources that contribute to wellbeing, including connection, meaning, engagement, strengths and a sense of accomplishment.
This does not mean looking for a positive side to loss or difficult circumstances. Nor does it mean replacing painful emotions with more positive ones. Grief, uncertainty and overwhelm can be present alongside moments of interest, connection, pleasure or hope.
Sometimes this might mean noticing:
- a relationship that provides connection or belonging
- an activity that still brings interest or absorption
- strengths that have helped you navigate difficult periods
- something small that gives a sense of progress or capability
- experiences that continue to provide meaning
- moments of enjoyment, curiosity or relief
These experiences do not cancel what hurts. They can help widen life around it.
Living alongside change can therefore involve both making room for difficult experience and gradually reconnecting with the people, activities and values that help life feel meaningful and worth participating in.
How I work
My work is grounded in relational Gestalt psychotherapy and informed by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), alongside nature-based and somatic approaches. I work with people experiencing grief and loss, life transitions, and chronic disorganisation or overwhelm.
I offer counselling and psychotherapy in Melbourne and via telehealth.
Working together
If you’re navigating grief, a major life transition, or ongoing overwhelm, and this way of working resonates, you’re welcome to get in touch to see whether counselling or psychotherapy with me feels like a good fit.
This work is about living alongside change in a way that is more flexible, connected, and aligned with what matters to you.
You can explore my work further through:
Sessions are available in Melbourne and via telehealth.
